As I have journeyed on this earth for the short time that I have so far, all I have learned is how much more I have to learn. When I think about that, it had to be the hardest thing I had ever learned. I have much to learn about God and doctrine and I can never possibly know it all! And the other thing is, I am not entirely sure I will ever know myself the way God knows me as he knows me better than I even know myself. Pondering this thought, it doesn't seem to make any sense. How can one not know oneself? And maybe there's not anything worth knowing about oneself. All I see is sin, weakness, inability in myself -- that is, apart from Christ.
"Sticks and stones will break my bones but words will never hurt me." My grandma always told me that. Sorry, Grandma, but for me, that is the furthest thing from the truth. I am one of those people that for whatever reason, negative words can be detrimental to me. On the flip side, the positive words are heard, pondered, treasured more than the normal person would ever consider. And this is one thing I have actually been able to articulate about myself. The reason itself is entirely unknown to me but I take everything -- the good and the bad -- personally. The negative aspect of this possibly little known fact about myself is I believe an effect of sin, along with the worrying. What can be done?
Knowing that I am a child of the King, the One who has wiped my slate clean means everything. What else in this life, what flaw, what besetting sin, what people say or do, could POSSIBLY matter more than that? It is unfathomable why I forget that so easily. Why am I constantly looking to myself when I already possess the free gift of grace that I have already accepted by faith through Christ? And so I keep searching the scriptures, hungrily listen to sermons and it always comes back to the same thing -- if God is for me, what can be against me? The devil has already lost the battle and I now belong, body and soul, to my faithful Savior, Jesus Christ.
It will always be a vicious cycle in this life -- sin, confession, repentance. But at the end of the day, Jesus is my advocate. And nothing else matters.
No comments:
Post a Comment